


Mutual Help

by ranger_nct



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Gen, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan-centric, One Shot, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:55:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27595136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ranger_nct/pseuds/ranger_nct
Summary: Haechan had a side of him that he didn't want his friends to see. He was always the cheerful one, the one who helps the others to feel better not other way around, right?
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Everyone, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 3
Kudos: 32





	Mutual Help

Haechan took in a deep breath and looked at the screen in front of his face that had the messaging app open, his username, which kept his hidden personality for the past two years, was written in text hoping not to regret this decision in the future. 

The account was his anonymous account that he would use to let out his concerns and mental problems without having to do any explanation and not wondering what the other person would think about him.

He has become friends with some of his followers from occasionally interacting with each others tweets but it was all online. No one knew who he was, he didn’t know who the other people were. He didn’t have to worry what the others would think of him, he didn’t have to worry about the effect of his problems on their relationship, he didn’t have to worry about other people pitying him about his problems and this list could go on for a long time.

He was happy with the way things were. He would be laughing all day, making sure his real life friends were okay, if they were not he would do everything he could do to make them feel better. He would silently sit and listen to Renjun talking about his parents and how they were stressing him out all the time because he knew that Renjun just needed somebody to listen to him and not do anything else. He would always give his biggest hugs to Jaemin because the latter was not fond of talking, the best way to make him feel better was a warm hug that would usually last about five minutes and then he would start talking about the most nonsense things while enjoying himself like nothing has happened. He would help Jisung with his Math homework because the younger would have failed it otherwise. He would play computer games with Chenle until they both would get scolded by their moms because he could never say no to him. He texts Jeno every week, reminding him that he is loved and he could always come to him if he need someone because he knew that the older was struggling. 

He knew all of them would be more than happy to listen to his problems and be there for him no matter what. But he couldn’t help the thoughts in his head that kept telling him that they would pity him, things between them would never be the same and so on. Those thoughts always made him feel worse about himself. What kind of a friend he was that he didn’t trust his friends? How can he think in such a disrespectful way about the closest people in his life? It was not fair on his friends, therefore he would always come up with the conclusion that he doesn’t deserve them. He even tried to drive them away from himself but the others didn’t let that happen, which Haechan was slightly grateful for. He knew it was selfish but he loved having his friends around.

He would write all these doubts along with his other feelings on the account that he just typed with his own fingers and about to do the unexpected, send it to Mark. There wasn’t any particular reason for this action. Few days ago the older has texted him saying he was feeling awful and they had a really deep conversation at the late times of the night. Haechan has never gone this deep into conversation with Mark before. They have known each other for years but they were never really close with each other until a few months ago.

After hours of Mark getting things out of his chest he has texted the younger saying that he could talk to him if he ever needs it as well. That was something Haechan was constantly hearing from the others as well but Mark has also added “It makes me happy to know people trust me, it makes me feel loved and cared for” Maybe that message was the reason behind this unexpected action of the younger. He could relate to that way too comfortably. After all he was someone who was being happy by making other people happy.

Maybe he wanted to make the older feel better by trusting him with the darkest part of his personality, the part that he has been keeping as a secret for so long. Also he knew that the older wouldn’t bring those up in any moment or ask him about them, at least Haechan was hoping that way. If it was someone from his closest friends, they would eventually want to confront him about those feelings, Haechan didn’t want that. He just wanted someone to know that part of him too, with his enjoyable colorful side, but he didn’t wanted to talk on those things. He just needed someone to know, so maybe both the older and him could be benefited from this. 

With these thoughts in his brain repeating themselves over and over again Haechan chose the message that was saying the older loved when people trusted to him and wrote his username as a reply to it. With one last breath he hit send and waited for one single tick to turn into a double one meaning the message was received. Before it had chance to show that it was read he disconnected from the internet, throwing the phone onto his bed. He could feel that he was seconds away from an anxiety attack and he felt like he couldn’t handle it in the moment. He got angry at himself for making such a big deal out of a little thing like this but the situation was out of his hands now.

**Author's Note:**

> Me dealing with my emotions by putting them on an alternate version of Haechan since this is the only way I can properly express myself. So yeah, in case you couldn't tell Haechan is me and the other Dreamies are my friends with slight differences because I didn't want it to be fully identical. And yes, I did this texting thing with my friend and unnecessarily worked up about it, so I wanted to vent about it. This is just me messily putting my feelings into words so there might parts that doesn't exactly match, if that's the case sorry about that. I have another fic that I pay more attention to so if you want something that actually makes sense maybe check that out? Is this how we are supposed to the self promo? Are we even supposed to do self promo here? I really don't know, sorry if I'm being annoying but I'm not usually like this, I promise ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ


End file.
